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TV 2049: The Prussian Tank Incident

Added: January 12, 2007

Briefing
Maximum flexibility means maximum profit potential.

The Action
This is in the format of an analysis type news show, like the old "MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour"

Host
So John, there is a lot of confusion surrounding this landmark incident. Can you start by explaining exactly what happened?

Guest
Of course. Just at commencement of hostilities, the Alberta Allied Asset and Strategic Belligerence Coalition bought out the driver contracts for 6,000 of the Franco-Prussian Industrial Alliance heavy tanks that they were about to engage. (Ever since the drivers and the gunners split off from the commanders and started bargaining their contracts independently, the analysts have been screaming that this kind of thing might happen.)

When zero hour hit, the tank drivers suddenly found themselves inside a high-value enemy asset. They spoke to their agents over the sub-radio band to determine what the best course of action would be to enhance shareholder value in this scenario. After lengthy discussion with the investor's pool and the legal department, the determination was to drive the enemy unit out of the theatre of action at best possible speed.

Realizing that something weird was going on, the gunners and the commanders consulted with their own agents to determine how to respond the fact that their tank was being driven by an enemy operative in the opposite direction of the enemy at 65 kilometers per hour. The determination from the commander/gunner camp was to degrade enemy assets using long range reverse fire from a fully slewed turret. There was some confusion on the Alberta Asset Management front lines as they witnessed 12 tank battalions turn suddenly and drive away at maximum speed, while at the same time firing wildly backwards into the Albertan lines.

There was also considerable speculation as to how the conflict of interest among gunners and drivers would be resolved, until the drivers were hemmed in by the Pacific Ocean and the Coast Range and could not make further headway. Possessing over the horizon targeting and a maximum range of 36 miles, the Prussian tank weapons were able to continue firing on the Albertan positions even from this extreme range.

Faced with rapidly dwindling options, the drivers once again consulted with their agents and lawyers, and the decision to "neutralize proximal enemy assets with maximum tactical alacrity" was finally handed down the line. There was a period in which all communication from the tank battalions was spotty or non-existent as 6,000 2 vs. 1 melee battles broke out in the cramp quarters of the German-made Leopard heavy tanks.

In the end, the Albertans were pleased with the result, as the tanks battalions suffered 99.9% force reduction in less than 20 minutes at 1/2 the cost of the normal pre-action short term leveraged buyout. Promotions and reprimands were handed down on the appropriate sides of the conflict.

History was made.

Textbooks were rewritten.

Host
Thanks John, that really brings it into focus

(Scene fades out as they continue to talk)

End of Scene.

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